The first scene starts out as a wistful reminiscence from the sewer worker about how great the original club café flesh was. In particular, he remembers a French Girl (played by Rebecca Lord). We fade to a scene of Rebecca on stage, telling the gathered audience how the life of a prostitute is really great, except when she has to fuck all those mimes.

Yes, mimes. You read that correctly.

Next we lead into a scene of her doing just that.

Now, what really stands out in this scene is just how well everyone stays in character. The guys playing the mimes never speak, and do some pretty cool pantomime tricks that you wouldn’t expect most actors to just randomly know. Rebecca is wonderful, and does a great job of acting exasperated at them, as well as somehow resisting the urge to laugh. In the end, everyone looked like they had fun.

The next scene we get is a dream sequence starring Violet Chinchilla (played by Jeanna Fine).

Now normally, I’d think an active welding torch on a porn set would be a really bad idea.

However, in this particular case it meshes with the industrial/post-apocalyptic vibe and makes for a really hot scene. With Jeanna decked out in a kinky rubber costume, her semi-romantic seduction of an equally fetishized forge worker is almost sweet. He gives her flowers before fucking her against a shopping cart, proving that all a post-apocalyptic dominatrix REALLY wants is a little love and tenderness.

Or maybe a puppy.

The hulking metalworker welding, watching, and drinking coffee only a few feet away from the couple added a fun touch as well.

Once Violet wakes up, the plot continues on as plots so often do.

We don’t get another sex scene until Violet daydreams about a stage event from the heyday of the original club. Golly, what a dreamer that girl is.

It’s a wonder she gets anything done.

Anyway, the daydream involves a 1950’s scene with two hep cats and one busty blonde (played by the lovely, but unfortunately wigged Sally Layd). Many cocktails are consumed, and before you can say “Jane Mansfield” a rollicking threesome is underway.

After this spirited recollection, Buffy (played by Stacy Valentine) gives an enthusiastic blowjob to snake (Vince Voyeur) and then dreams about her lost boyfriend.

As far as dreams in this movie go, it was fairly normal. Buffy and her boyfriend Biff (played by T.T Boy) are having sex on a picnic cloth while giant daisies spin in the background, the sun rises and sets over a cut-out city, and a space alien takes notes and photographs a few feet away. You know. The usual.

Characters develop, plot points move on, and then we get to Mookie’s first scene (played by the smokin’ hot Raylene). Mookie is the opening act for the new club, and she starts with a bang. The stage is set as a bullfighting arena, with giant flames burning in the background. Mookie is dressed in the sexiest matador outfit on the planet.

Seriously. I really want that outfit.

Her opponent is a man dressed up as a Minotaur, in a black latex bodysuit and with dildos for horns.

They fight, she calms him, he fucks her, and then she stabs him through the heart with her sword.

Hmmmm… maybe he should have given her flowers.

After all that drama, Snake fucking Buffy inside an elevator shaft seems rather tame.

There isn’t much to say about it except Buffy has very pretty girly bits, and it’s one of the longest scenes on the film.

Next we get to the Grand finale and the last sex scene in the movie.

As it turns out, it’s a big, psychedelic wedding between Mookie and her boyfriend Chappy. Hurrah!

The happy couple is married by a floating brain in a tank, while two freaky fetish twins are being electrocuted in the background. The twins are actually fairly hot (in a cyber-goth sort of way), but their twitching spasms are a bit unnerving. However, their presence adds a nice touch of wrongness to the scene, and so gives it a bit of spice.

The groom doffs his gas mask, the bride removes her rubber veil, and they proceed to get freaky like only married couples can.

That’s it!

Now go out and rent it.

Trust me, it’s stranger than I can adequately describe.

The plot for the sequel basically goes like this:

Roughly 20 years after the events of the first Café Flesh, the extreme lack of sex positives has driven down the population, and forced the voyeur clubs to close one by one.

However, while flushing out the sewers amid the rubble of the old city, our narrator (a gruff voiced, ugly old coot) discovers the cryogenically frozen body of a blonde, virgin debutante named Buffy (played by Stacy Valentine).

Since she was frozen before the great annihilation, she is a guaranteed sex positive.

He sends a message to violet chinchilla (Jeanna Fine, playing a negative with dreams of opening her own club, and who just happens to know a few remaining positives) and sells the now-thawed but traumatized and confused girl to her.

Violet takes out a loan from the crime lord Max (a brain floating in a vat of liquid, kept alive by two freaky nurses) and re-opens Café Flesh with Buffy as the star attraction.

Meanwhile, on the outskirts of the city we find a sex positive beauty named Mookie (played by Raylene) arguing with her sex negative boyfriend Chappy (Played by Alex Metro)

The argument consists of whether it’s better to stay free, but starve to death, or to contract her to a sex club and force her boyfriend to see her fucking other men.

Since it IS a porn film we’re talking about, I think you can guess what they decide.

Back at the club, the still traumatized Buffy is being briefed on the realities of her situation, and asked to give a practice blowjob to snake (Vince Voyeur, playing an attractive but sleazy sex positive who was recruited to be her show partner).

This makes Buffy believe she and snake are in love, and that they share a special connection.

When Mookie and Chappy arrive at the club, she is immediately accepted as a performer. Her boyfriend, however, is mocked by snake until he can’t take it anymore and runs off to sulk.

Later that night, Snake convinces Buffy to run off with him and start their own club together. Believing she is in love, Buffy agrees.

When Violet discovers Snake and Buffy missing (on the day of the club’s grand re-opening, no less) she flips out and vows to hunt them down. Mookie discovers her boyfriend has run off, and is so worried for his safety she refuses to perform.

While in the radioactive rubble on the outskirts of the city, Chappy meets Moms, the Old owner of the original Café Flesh. She reminisces with him for a while, and decides to give him the last known vial of a serum that will allow a negative to touch a positive without fatal results. It only works temporarily, but it’s all the motivation he needs to go back and propose to Mookie.

Once he takes the serum, they get married by Max the brain in one of the strangest ceremonies ever caught on film.

That’s pretty much it.

The club doesn’t open, Violet doesn’t get revenge, and no one gets paid.

However, none of that really matters.

After all, I’ve yet to even mentioned the best parts…

The sex scenes!!!

TO BE CONTINUED…

Ahhh, the wide and varied world of pornography…

I think it would be fair to say that I have collected more than my fair share of porn over the years.

It started out innocently enough. A few classics from the 70’s, a scattering of Jenna Jameson videos, a spattering of Hentai… But since those humble beginnings, my porn collection has grown by leaps and bounds.

Want a good recommendation for Bondage clown porn? You’ve come to the right girl.

Want something funny and disarming to watch with your squeamish girlfriend?

Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.

Want to see a man dressed up as a Minotaur, banging a female matador into submission before being impaled through the heart with her sword?

Well then my little chickadees, you want to watch CAFÉ FLESH 2.

Now, I know everyone plus their grandma has written a review of the original 1982 Café Flesh, and for good reason. As one of the most innovative porn movies of its day, it is a must-have classic for everyone’s collection.

But what about the sequel? Is it any good? Can it possibly compare?

The answer my dears, is yes.

Directed by Antonio Passolini, the new café flesh takes place some 20 years after the first. It’s more on the silly side than straight-up-freaky, and a LOT more lighthearted. There is a fun, psychedelic feel to it that is good for couples, but still kinky enough to be interesting.

The first thing that snagged my attention was the intro. A little backlight skeleton toy, dancing to the creepy tune of a music box while the even creepier narrator fills you in on the plot.

Beautiful.

The visuals themselves are geared quite a bit to the original audience of Café Flesh (that is to say; art students, Goths, industrial kids, post-apocalyptic aficionados, etc.) and keep up their end nicely.

For those who aren’t familiar with the original, I’ll quickly summarize the plot:

After a horrific world war, the combination of radiation and bio-warfare kill off most of the world’s population. Those left alive are grouped into two categories. There are the sex negatives (98%) and the sex positives (2%).

The sex negatives (or “neggies”, as they’re called) cannot have the pleasure center in their brain triggered without experiencing severe pain, nausea, or even death. The sex positives (or “possies”) are immune to the problem, but are rare and hard to find.

Since the world has devolved into an anarchistic society, the ones who have risen to power (apparently a small society of club owners) send out scouts to round up all the positives and force them to perform sex acts on stage. These take place in strange, cabaret-style nightclubs. The positives have no choice, and they are considered the property of whatever club they are drafted into.

To be continued…