So today I went out to lunch with a few of my female friends, and we got into a discussion about kegel muscles.

Various unusual bonuses to having strong kegels were bandied about (tales about pulling in, pushing out, or keeping a deathgrip on your lover’s finger/penis/strap-on, feats of tampon winding, and perfecting your target practice with assorted items) as well as the downsides (the countless deaths of pearl rabbits and other vibrators due to clenching too tightly and burning out the motors).

I love going out with the girls. We may get odd looks from the other patrons when they wander too close and overhear us discussing the strange, girly things we do in private (like using our naughty bits to suck in and shoot out the bathwater like a fountain. extra points for distance!) but I don’t care. Going out with my Viking clan of sexy broads always reminds me that women in general are a freaky bunch, and I am damn glad to be one.

After I rolled myself home to digest and recover, I started thinking about vaginal barbells.

In my post food-coma delirium, I vaguely recalled these strange contraptions being mentioned at lunch, and how we had all seen them in several adult stores. My chief sexy broad (C.S.B for short) had announced that she not only owned one, she owned several in ascending weights. This brought on hushed awe and looks of respect from all of us at the table. C.S.B wasn’t one to mess with. She could kill you with her vagina, and the only way to identify the body would be with dental records. That baby had a kung-fu grip.

I think I may just have to go out and get one of these strange weight sets.

What sort of diet regime do you go on when you are training up your vaginal muscles?

Will I drive my trusty assistants crazy by playing the theme for Rocky while I “work out”?

I’ll keep you posted, my lovely readers.

When I’m done I want to be able to shoot throwing stars and pick pockets with no hands.

It will be my secret ninja weapon.